Why humans are much harder to train then dogs...

Ugh.... I mean seriously people. I work in this order. Take drink orders, pass out drinks, pass out peanuts, then I collect trash. Every flight, I have to believe that consistency works. Thats my contribution to my airline, training passengers. This is the routine write down drink orders, serve drinks, pass out peanuts, and collect trash. Its simple. I swear every time I go to hand someone a drink they say, "and my peanuts" which I have to say in my head, " listen fuck face (pardon my french) I have two hands one is holding a tray of drinks and the other is holding your drink. Let me get my third arm out of my ass and serve you a peanut, you impatient bastard." (Yes the dialogue in my head changes from time to time depending on my mood but its generally the same. ) Also for your novice fliers that sit in the window. We don't place drinks on your tray table. We hand them to you. So please reach out (cause my arm is not long enough) extend the arms God gave you and grab your drink from me. Please don't give me little T-Rex arms or tap your tray table.

Which brings me to my next point... I don't collect trash until everyone has had a drink. Its just like when you get invited to someone's house for dinner. You don't start eating until the last person has gotten there food. Or you don't get seconds etc. But every time, every flight someone hands me their empty cup. Also I am being nice when I say hand, its more like a jiggle. I don't have time to grab your glass while I am wiping the bead of sweat off my forehead on a 50 min flight into Vegas from Burbank on a friday afternoon, trying to get everyone a drink.

Next is peanuts... I bet you didn't know this, but at Southwest we are told to give passengers only one peanut. Yes one. The one bag with about 5 peanuts in it, yeah that one. But many of us give you two, because we feel like you are worth more than 5 nuts. But when I come blazing through the isle and offer peanuts or pretzels, I am not asking for a yes or no answer I am waiting for both, peanut or pretzel. Its not rocket science people. If you don't answer me, you get peanuts. Peanuts is the default snack. Did you know pretzels are cheaper than peanuts? Well they are thats why we give you the nuts. Mystery solved. Also a word of advice for you pretzel people (my husband is one of them, and God do I hate it) If I only have peanuts that means I don't have time, on this very short flight, to wait for you to choose either a peanut or pretzel. So if I come out with only peanuts, don't ask for pretzels. A) I will more than likely forget it, and B) once I bring out pretzels I get about 100 more offers for pretzels, which begins to make me walk back n forth 100 times to get a pretzel out each time. (For you ex servers, current servers, it's called one tripping and we hate it, right?)

Trash.... Lovely... stinky trash.... So I start from the front and work my way to the back. If you are sitting in the isle I would be more than happy to pick up your glass for you as you pretend to sleep. For those of you window seaters, I will not pick up your trash unless you hand it to me. I will not put my big bosoms in the person's face just for you. Also, If you decide to bring in food from the terminal and you finished eating it, and you see me come by with a garbage bag nearly full, please don't try and put it on the top like a Christmas tree angel, just wait, I will be back with a fresh bag. I promise its not the end of the world. Also please don't try and hide it under your seats. I clean the airplane I have to get on my knees and pick it up, you aren't doing anyone any favors, I promise.

One more note about trash. When I am doing the emergency demo, I will not pick up your food containers, your Starbucks cups, and or any trash while I am doing the "demo" Thank you in advance. (I just might start saying that on the PA just so we are clear)

Passengers are much harder to train. I can only hope for a perfect world.

*note to readers... My doctoral student husband and editor in Chief was not here to revise the above content. Please understand the bad language, improper use of punctuation and the word "there". However in my defense, I do a 6 month old and I am trying get a post in during her nap.

Weaning of the boob.

I never thought I would actually say this but, yes I am weaning Reya off the boob. I am still pumping and giving Reya breast milk but not nursing. Hey mommy has to go back to work and leave daddy here alone to do the feeding, changing, bathing, you know... all that Jazz.

I have been banished to the other room... and Reya is screaming and crying her little eyes out. Yes, folks it's all over a little bottle, more like several very expensive bottles. Apparently, Reya doesn't like the ones we already have (Advent). So I did what any mother would do... I considered my options and consulted Google. After several mother blogs and websites I consulted my other friend Amazon.com. Here are my "educated" options...

Option #1- Advent "cause they are better for breastfed babies"
Option #2- Playtex Natura nurser, I didn't even want to go there... I mean after buying the "drop ins", wide nipple, and bottle...I decided that was way to complicated and decided to go with...
Option #3- Adiri bottles. They are about 12 dollars a pop! But as I was standing there in front of the wall full of bottles I actually thought, "This has got to work, it practically says so on the package!" So I got home all excited got home, handed the bottle to Tyler and went to go sit in my corner twiddling my thumbs, crossing my fingers, praying for a God...

Thats when I decided to consult Google and amazon again. I found this bottle that had a double nipple but was weary at first but after I found this amazing review on Amazon.com. I decided to go with Option#4. I mean in her review she wrote "I could just kiss the person who invented this bottle" she also explained she so excited that this bottle worked, that she was going to go get a haircut because she can finally leave the baby with someone.

I just had to have this bottle (the "messiah" of all bottles)

The First Years breastflow. With my head held high I left the store with the product in hand. I could't wait to jam this bottle in her tiny, cute, perfect little mouth.

Needless to say option #4 didn't work like the review suggested.

We are in for a rough couple of days ahead of us...to be continued.

people snatchers

"Last year, for instance, it (Southwest Airlines) received 90,043 résumés but hired a mere 831 people, making it harder to get a job at Southwest than to get into an Ivy League college."-New York Times, Nov. 2010


So with that being said... This post goes out to my cousin Caren who is getting her second interview today in Dallas! She was one of 1200 applicants that was able to apply online a few months ago. Congrats Caren, I can't wait to pin your wings ;).

It's so funny because every time I go anywhere in my uniform or tell people where I work I get the same responses...
"I love Southwest Airlines" "I only fly Southwest Airlines" "You guys are so funny, do you tell jokes"
"I would love to be a flight attendant" "Can I have a buddy pass?"
All of them make me smile, because I am lucky to work for a very well known, successful, fun loving company.

Now since lets talk about some Urban Southwest Legend. I mean I have never actually seen any of this in person, or had any of it personally happen to me...so I can only write this based on speculation, and other hear say passed on by fellow coworkers...

People Snatchers:
Southwest Employees, mainly hiring committee members/ higher ups/ inflight employees, who go undercover to evaluate future new hires.

*again I will emphasize how this is speculation and is seen as Urban legend in the inflight world*

I hear that "People Snatchers" hide in bathroom stalls, hang out in the hallways, in the lunch room, and even act as future newbies themselves... in order to weed out the duds. I am being serious... they are even said to roam hotel lobbies, hallways, and bars to make sure employees going through training are the "right fit" for our company. Just a tap on the shoulder and a "can i speak to you for a moment" is all it takes to be a victim. They could just be removing you permanently or ask you to change something about you. For instance, in my training class, they asked a lady to get bangs because she had a big forehead. Another girl had dyed her hair blonde and her "natural" hair color was coming back in and the next day she arrived to class with yellow roots. Wardrobe changes is a constant, I have heard that people were asked to remove excess jewelry, remove jackets with logos on them, and to apply more make-up.

I chose not to tell my cousin Caren about these people snatchers... she was nervous as is about the interview ;D

Baby Update:
Sleeping has been rough this week, apparently she hates sleeping unless she is held... or attached to my boob.

Gripe of the week...
I will preface this with saying my husband is an amazing hands on helpful baby daddy... but sometimes at 3 in the morning... I look over while I am breastfeeding, to see him sleeping all peacefully...sawing logs... and I get so jealous,I just want to reach right over and knock him upside his head and disrupt his peaceful slumber.

ahhh...its been too long...

Hello Everyone! So I have been busy ( I mean we have been busy) ... having a baby in all...

Well little Miss Reya Evangeline was born at 5:01 am March 29th. I endured 29 long hours of labor with my wonderful husband, sister, and mom & dad. My parents slept in the waiting room while my husband slept on two chairs, giving my sister the uncomfortable little cot. I also want to give a shout out to my Dr. who supported my birthing decisions, and let me deliver vaginally instead of a C section. (My water broke and I had no contractions, so I had 24 hours to try to deliver vaginally, if I went past 24 hours they would have had to do a c section.) It all worked out in the end...

We spent the next two days in the hospital. I actually get more sleep at home then in the hospital. I mean I love Scottsdale Healthcare North but hell, the nurses come in every hour and wake you up and the food was horrible.

So this brings us to the present...

My life consists of changing diapers, feeding, burping, cleaning up, and then repeating it a hundred times. I am so lucky to have help, cause I think I might go insane. I love my daughter, I love babies even more, but no one, and I mean no one said it would be this hard!!! Lol... sometimes she just cries cause she is tired and we cant do anything to console her. Overall, she is a really good baby. She doesn't cry at all and she sleeps almost through the night. She is a super chill baby, and for that I thank God everyday.

Also we are currently pent up in our house. We have to wait one month before taking her anywhere in public, so we spend our days here in the house, then taking the occasional trips to grandma and grandpa's house and to the Dr's office. Our daily walks are the exciting parts of our day, too bad its starting to get hot out.

Well thats my life... hopefully in 3 weeks when Ty gets out of school we can spend some time in San Diego. Keep your fingers crossed that our first airport experience goes smoothly!

toodles.

Back by popular demand...

Hey everybody! Well I decided to start up my blog again. I only have 2 followers so the pressure is on!

This is my last trip before maternity leave and in good Southwest fashion it has been totally crazy.

The first day was very very long, it was even longer because our last flight from Dallas to Austin was late due to connecting passengers. People bitch, but hey I would too I guess. So anyways, everyone knows that if we are late on Southwest we usually buy you a drink to basically buy back your love. We don't announce it cause then everyone would order one, thus the company then goes broke. It never seems to fail though, there is always one ass fuck who says, "You're buying right." or "Its free right." or my personal favorite "You owe me a free drink because you made me late." If you ever ever want to piss off a flight attendant more than before and end up paying of for your drink say the last line... You will pay for that drink and get it dead last. To me my response is always, "Oh I owe it to you huh..." then they quickly stare at me and say "yeah" to which I reply, " I was going to buy you a drink, but I don't like being told what I have to do or not do." Then the poor dumb fuck who cant afford a $5 drink then replies, "oh." Subsequently, all this chatter causes attention to myself and the "free drink" situation ends up back firing in my face, because everyone now knows that I am giving out free drinks because of this a-hole. It really doesn't matter to me as long as I put one jerk in his place. I mean I cant be that mean... I end up giving him his free drink dead last, thus saving myself from getting a bad letter.

We ended up in Austin where this 8.5 month pregnant lady proceeds to go to 6Th St and party it up with her crew til 2 am. Yes partying on water!

The next day we start our journey to Vegas. Sin city, as most people like to call it, "dread city" as we F/A's like to call it. Especially on a Saturday. I mean I understand everyone goes to Vegas to live it up, not be your normal self, but hell, its Saturday and I am working. Give me a break, we aren't all on vacation here.

So some old lady Christian group is on board (the came from Nashville and had to stop in Austin, then Vegas, then on to Sacramento to get home) Yes they went all that way and stopped all the way just for the cheap seats. We are talking $150 dollar ticket instead of a $250 ticket. So when we boarded the plane with out ice cream cones we got clobbered. Some lady actually reached out for my ice cream. (Keep in mind they were 20 min early and could have stepped off the plane and got there own damn ice cream cone.) No they reached out for a pregnant ladies ice cream cone... not a wise choice. This brings us to a second reason to make a flight attendant grumpy. If trying to reach out for my ice cream was bad enough, one of the lady says," you should feel bad for us we are going to be on this plane for 8 hours." To which I respond, " you should feel bad for me because its Saturday and I have to be on this plane for 8 hours serving you, and I am 8.5 months pregnant." That shut them up :)

So this plane ride was so annoying, most people are great, I would say about 99% are fabulous. But there is that 1% that really fuck up my day. Like the guy when we are hanging out snack sneaks to the back of the airplane and takes a whole can of water from our galley without asking. I mean the nerve of this guy. I mean he needed water that bad that he had to steal it when we weren't looking. In my head I am thinking, wow what a cheap impatient bastard.

Other than that the rest of the day was quick and painless. I got to go down with my crew to the bar and have some more waters.

However today's work day hasn't begun, and I am sure something crazy will happen. We are going flying into Denver....

*I really do love my job, I love flying, the craziness, and most of all my benefits. I would never quit...unless I won the Mega Millions :)