passenger from h-e-double hockey sticks

Captian’s Log…
Ok so today started out good. Got downstairs just on time, got to the airport, and then my day turned ugly. Kansas city airport is a cluster f*** of a place. The security line makes Phoenix’s look well structured and empty. So we pushed our way past people by cutting, that doesn't make them very happy, but we have too!
Well we finally get on the plane to start our shift for the day, as soon as we put our bags up the people start coming down (boarding) so I have to dash to the middle of the plane and stand. Its my least favorite spot on the whole airplane because the business people are so rude, and they tend to think sitting in the exit row is “their first class” it’s not, and it will never be. Oh, but it has all the leg room, ok buddy, you are like what 5’5”. Or you get the really old couple and they bitch and complain because someone is saving seats, and it's not fair. So they tell me, like a child running to their mother, to punish them. My response is always, a shoulder shrug. Ha. Mind you this happens every flight, and I mean every flight.

So I guess the gossip during boarding was this guy who paid the extra 20 bucks (it’s a promotion southwest offers to business people so they get priority boarding), to board first. He picks the front row, then a lady with a infant boards and sits right next to him. The man gets up throws a fit and walks to the back of the airplane and starts complaining that he shouldn’t of had to move, and that he sat next to a crying baby on the way out here. He is really pissed cause now he is in the back row, and the seat doesn’t recline. I offer him another aisle seat that reclines and he starts all over again like a broken record.

Oh guess what it’s not over yet… The flight attendant in the back in the middle of our service (giving drinks and snacks) gets into a discussion with this guy. Its kind of loud so of course I go in for back up. This cuckoo bird wants priority on his drink! He wants it first, and we should give him the first drink because he was convenienced. Oh and of course he wants it free. My motto, even though I didn’t coin it, is “give ‘em an inch and they will take a mile.” So we decided to make him pay for his drink because he was such an ass.

Mind you this flight is only 3 hours long, and I have another situation on my hands. Some people, meaning “first class” people brought their own liquor aboard! WOW two grown men cant pay for a $5 drink. I mean if you bring it, because you cannot afford it, then don’t let me see it. So of course I see the bottle of grey goose. “Hey you know that you can’t bring your liquor aboard.” The man response, “They let us bring it on.” Who the heck is “they” ? “They” meaning southwest people or “They” meaning TSA where if you have 3oz or less in a quart size zip lock bag you can bring whatever the hell you want. “Yah, Yah them”, well it’s not allowed it’s against our liquor licenses’. Then he says, “Well I guess you are going to have to spank me!” Hello asshole, never in my life would I want to put my hand on your butt. Secondly, is that harassment? “No, I will not do that, sir.” If this is getting boring, then quite while you are ahead, if you seriously are enjoying this please read on…

Back to the man who gets mad a the lady with the baby. He is acting up again, maybe its because he had three glasses of wine. As the plane lands he starts swearing up a storm and asks if "that little bitch is off the plane yet". Mind you we are continuing on to San Francisco, but we have to stop in San Diego first. Well this man is relentless. He then proceeds to tell us that his cousin is the CFO of Southwest Airlines, and we should be scared for our jobs. Hello, we are union, I would really like to see that happen. They flight attendant up front says, "I seriously doubt that because our CFO would never have lunch with someone thats as rude as you." He didnt like that comment.

So we had to get a supervisor to kick him off the plane. She came in to listen to this jerk. He had no leg to stand on. He said that he flew 162 flights since 2008. "Hey buddy, its 2010 and that ain't shit." Just kidding we didnt say that. He said that we should have kicked that lady out of her seat because he paid more money than she did. After about 20 minutes, the customer service lady, couldnt kick him off for being an a-hole. So we were stuck with him for another hour and a half. If it were up to me he would have been walking to San Francisco from San Diego.

No fun!